So, is this how it ends? Does our not so perfect heroine of this blog for the last 3 years descend upon the world without telling her readers what the fuck is up? God no. Think again. Because in the months I’ve gone without posting, I’ve realized that despite all the rantings and ravings of yours truly (writer jew sassy badass bitch hybrid extraordinaire) I’ve become throughout...
Shit I Say That Belongs In a Script (Don't even...
“I just feel like a lot of my friends have a lower standard of human beings than I do.” “I got so Shanley on him.” “I’m not boring. I just have nothing to say to someone like yourself.” “I’m sorry it makes you mad that I won’t let you penetrate me.”
Things I Consume When I'm Stressed
With school starting tomorrow as well as my first rehearsal for a show, along with trying to figure out how I can fit American Horror Story, Vanderpump Rules, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Girls into my schedule, I’m feeling a little stressed. It’s important to come up with coping strategies for the inevitable stressors we often endure, especially at the start of a new year....
The Remorse Text
In my extensive experience with the opposite sex, I have become familiar with something that I am now naming The Remorse Text. The Remorse Text is a text that a contemptible gentleman boy sends you months after realizing the emotional ramifications of his abhorrent behavior. It usually is short, simple, and a very sorry attempt to open a conversation. For example, “Hannah freakin Brown. How...
A speech to 2012
And so dawns another New Year’s Eve, and I’m not sure how to handle it. Before I do, I just- I’m sorry—I just have to beg the qeuestion… excuse me for just one moment *clears throat** WHAT THE FUCK, 2012? Like really. What, the actual FUCK were you thinking? Throwing all those curveballs at me? Like, what? I mean honestly what were you thinking giving me 2 terrific...
It's all about perspective.
As my second to last semester of college comes to a close, I’ve realized how much life is about perspective. I suppose it sounds obvious, but I’m shocked how incredibly in the dark I’ve been about that. I spent a lot of this semester away from you tumblees mostly because I haven’t felt any of my writing has been anything of consequence, but one of my best friends proposed...
Who that guy? He dumped you? Eh well, he’s a knob.– My dad
It never would have worked out between us… you like cutoff tee shirts and...– Me
Then there was the year I was a cotton ball by molding balls of paper towels and gluing them to a Hanes undershirt and white tights and white athletic shorts and I donned a pair of white fluffy slippers. No one knew what I was. What are you supposed to be? A sheep? No. A bubble? Huh? What are you supposed to be. A cotton ball. Oh. Then there was the year I was a dinosaur. I wanted to be...
DO NOT no matter how stubborn, intelligent or drunk you might be, run into your teacher at a bar and proceed to verbally shit on on his face for 5 minutes about how much he sucks. Even if he bullies you in class. Even if he’s a grad student. Even if he’s debatably attractive. You will look and feel like a moron. Just.. no. I cannot wait for class on tuesday let me tell you.
Hannah returns: The reckoning
Hannah is a tool who speaks in the third person. Hannah hasn’t tumbled in forever. How can Hannah have begun to suck so bad? So bad. The worst. Welp kids, I have come up from the depths of binge drinking and partying I have resided in as of late to join you and give some old fashioned thoughts on things that I’ve had going on lately. Perhaps you shall derive something, perhaps you...
This day when I was bored I doodly dooed this.
I don’t want to doodle. I want to do something else. My doodles are always of the same things and never carry the element of careless yet impeccable artistry I desire. When i doodle I always hope that the tree, eye, garment, face I draw (for these are what I doodle) will prove me to be a doodling savant. But alas, they always look the same; Childlike, but decent to look at, I suppose....
Layer me pretty.
Cake. Onions. Sandwiches. Lasagna. My personality. All beautiful and delicious things are layered. And with the fall approaching, I am positively smitten with the trend of layering lovely pieces for an eclectic cozy look. Each year I come back thinking I have my style completely evolved… freshman year it was anything loud and memorable, even if that meant it had a huge gnarly rip in the...
It’ll probably be a respectable little penis who wears friendly tophats...– My best friends.
You know it's your 21st birthday when...
- You leave your house in a tutu and pink heels - You have a cocktail and realize it’s too boozy for you (#cosmo) - You drink on the train because you can! - You cry with your best friend and tell her she’ll be in your wedding party - You do the bad romance dance on a stage with your bffls - You break dance with 2 random guys - You scream that it’s your birthday an...
It’s the eve of my 21st birthday. Outfit is picked, plans are made, excitement is bubbling. Had to share. =)
Embrace the silence.
I think a lot of people view summer as this sort of abstract thing that will solve a lot of their problems. Like New Year’s resolutions, the season of summer represents a beacon of hope for people who just need time to get things done, things they always wanted to do. “This summer I’m gonna lose weight, watch every movie I’ve ever wanted, make a Weasley family sweater,...
Little Miss Knockout
So sometimes in Summer you find yourself in random social situations, and that’s one of the most delicious things about it. Sometimes your plans simply come down to the thought process, “Well shit, you’re in town and I’m in town and you’re bored and I’m bored so okay!” And sometimes that lands you with people who would not have looked at you twice in...
“But— but… you were supposed to miss me.” She said, tears welling in her eyes. She hadn’t invested in the waterproof mascara. She hadn’t anticipated moments like these. “Huh?” He asked. She knew he heard her. He liked to play dumb. Life was lighter that way, and responsibility was more of an option than an expectation. “You were supposed...
When someone you invested love in takes advantage of that, you got 2 options: be...
DAWSON'S CREEK: THE DRINKING GAME
My Summer is officially made. Just yesterday I found out that every episode— yes, EVERY EPISODE of Dawson’s Creek is on Netflix instantwatch. So basically between working out, working at the restaurant, and having any minor sort of social life, I’m just hanging out at the creek watching every episode ever. And then I had a stroke of genius. Nay— a stroke of EPIC genius....
Day 2 of work at the restaurant
So these first few days learning the ropes I get to taste everything to have a better understanding of the menu. Basically I’m loving life right now. The staff is amazing and so understanding of my newbie idiocy, and they’re ballbusters just like me. I learned yesterday that apparently the restaurant industry is notorious for its booze and cursing, so it’s looking like I’m...
I eat Ramen Noodles.
**This is an assignment I wrote for my literary genres class back in March. It’s so strange but I love it. We were supposed to write something in the fashion of the German author Urs Alleman— essentially meaning steam-of-consciousness freakshow writing. So don’t worry, I haven’t totally lost my mind. I just did a little bit for a grade.** I eat Ramen noodles. That’s what I...
Older & Wiser(?)
Well kids, another year of college has ebbed, and man was this one jam packed full of shit. Good, bad and ugly. Now it’s officially struck me: I only have 1 year left of ISU shenanigans during which to mess up and learn, because everyone knows mess-ups are only charming in college. In the real world, collegiate mess-ups are just kind of sad and pathetic. Like, any other time being drunk on a...
Oh my god tumblees! Wherever hath the year gone? I cannot believe it is Cinco de Mayo yet again. Remember the time Cinco de Mayo kicked my ass last year as drunkenly documented on this VERY BLOG?! Me too. I’m really just blogging because the fact that yet another school year is over is totally blowing my mind all over my face. And while I think about the insane social anxiety I had at the...